Avatariquette: from an idea by TD

Yes well, don’t blame me for the name. Blame it on TD. This is a list of avatar etiquette, including some things which aren’t a problem in real life, and can be in SL.

Don’t ask strangers for a lot of real-life information on first meeting them. Conversely, don’t offer a lot of personal information yourself.
I have often remarked that people when they first arrive in SL, are almost totally “undefended”. By that I mean that we all have psychological defences in real life, which prevent us from behaving inappropriately, perhaps suddenly offering snapshots of our sex life, or sharing sensitive information. In SL, those defences are torn away, at least for the initial period. People have the impression that they have direct access to other people’s minds and thoughts. Try not to demand real life details from people you have just met, and try very hard to avoid divulging a lot of personal information in your first few days in world. This effect does wear off, to some extent.

If an avatar chooses a male or female character for his or herself, it is polite to treat people as the sex they appear.
This can get tricky if you have friends who switch easily between male and female, but it is generally a rule, particularly if an avatar is known to be one sex in RL and another in SL … it’s polite to treat them as the sex they have chosen.

Don’t offer friendship to people you haven’t even talked to. Make an effort to get to know someone.
I do accept friendship from avatars I have only just met, because it can be such a rejecting thing to be turned down. One of the Lindens gave me a tip that when someone offers them friendship, they immediately offer their calling card and then decline the friendship, and most people either don’t notice or understand the difference - and indeed there is less of a difference now that you can withold the ability to be mapped by friends. I know lots of people who always accept offers of friendship, and then ruthlessly cull their friendship lists, removing anyone that they don’t remember, or anyone who hasn’t talked to them in the last month.

Don’t build on other people’s land unless invited.
This is something which often passes new avatars by until they make the mistake of leaving prims all over someone’s land and get an angry IM. Land in SL has to be paid for, and what you are paying for, generally, is the ability to be able to build something and keep it. Things should work that way, but from time to time bugs have meant that people have lost their items on land that they own because a stranger has come along and built too many prims on it.

In any case, it is a pain for many landowners to have to go round clearing up other people’s prims which have been dropped all over their land. Don’t build without permission, and then if you have had to create prims for some reason, for example, unpacking a box of clothes, make sure you tidy up after yourself, and delete or pick up your empty boxes. It’s the equivalent of putting your RL trash in the bin, rather than leaving it on your neighbour’s lawn.

Don’t offer teleports without an exchange of IMs first.
There is nothing quite so annoying as getting a peremptory teleport offer without any sort of discussion taking place first. It is polite to contact the person by IM first, and then if the person is agreeable, then send a teleport, not before.

Don’t appear at a friend’s side without warning, even if they allow you to map them.
Ok, there is something as annoying as a peremptory teleport offer: that’s a friend appearing at your side without warning. We are all different, and we all spend our SL in different ways. Tying up your furry friend and abusing him with ice cream cones may not be your cup of tea, but what I do in my SL time is my business. Even if you are quite sure that your friends do not explore the darker side of SL, they may still be embarrassed if you find them naked and adjusting their avatar. Heck, they may just be involved in a delicate conversation with someone who has just experienced a bereavement, or a broken relationship and not want you bouncing on over to show off your latest attachment.
The polite thing is to send an IM first and ask if it is ok to drop over. Anything else is dangerous!

Try to be succinct when contacting someone you don’t know.
I can’t tell you how often I have had the following conversation. Picture me, halfway through a particularly complex texturing job, when IM starts flashing. I have half my prims selected, when I get too annoyed by the flashing to continue and click into it, leaving my avatar still holding the prims.
Stranger:Hi there…. I reply: hello

Stranger: Do you mind if I ask you a question? I reply: no, of course not, go ahead

Stranger: sorry to bother you… if you’re busy I can go away…. I reply: no, no, what is your question, it’s ok (feeling a bit grumpy now)
Stranger: well I am in your shop and I am wondering if you have the chair but in grey or modifiable? I reply: Erm, which chair is it? All of my furniture is modifiable… etc.
Instead of this, if you can sum it all up in one sentence, do. For example: Hello there, I am looking at your curly chair, and wonder if you do it in grey as well as the lilac? Thanks.

Then don’t get annoyed if you don’t get an instant reply. Sometimes I am in a meeting, sometimes I am doing something I can’t stop, sometimes I am just flooded with IMs and MSN and Skype. I will usually reply to an IM before I go offline unless I crash, and I know lots of people are like that if busy in SL or doing several things at once.
This goes double if you are IMing a group.
Try to sum it all up in your first post when IMing to a group. This allows those who aren’t interested or can’t help to cancel out of discussion, and those who can or are interested to stay and chat. Starting the conversation with hi! when you know there will be 40 “hi!”s in reply is just mean.

Don’t drop inventory on people unexpectedly.
It’s always good manners to try to IM someone, particularly a stranger, before dropping inventory on them. Most people won’t open objects from unknown people anyway.

Don’t explore someone else’s house unless invited.
That’s one which has changed in the nearly three years I have been in SL. Initially I was told that if people didn’t want their homes and land explored, they would lock it up, so one was free to explore and look at people’s houses, and even their bedrooms, without fear of being thought rude. I don’t think that’s true any more, people get pretty cranky if you blunder into their houses and snoop around without permission. The fact that it is possible to do this in SL without ever stepping foot over the threshold, by moving your camera around seems to be beside the point.

Not respecting your neighbour’s space in SL can be as serious as not respecting your RL neighbour’s space. People get angry and vengeful. Try to treat people always as you would wish to be treated, and that means only exploring the places you are invited to explore. If in doubt — ask!

Do try to learn about people by reading their profiles.
You can pick up all sorts of useful information from people’s profiles, from information about their likes and dislikes, to special places to explore. Make a habit of clicking into the profiles of the people you meet, and getting to know them a bit.