The difference between stalking, rape, and sexual harassment in ANY online social environment

The whole Belgian thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Seriously. One, it has the word rape in it. That’s not a term to be used lightly. The second is the ease it slips off the tongues without actually consulting the definition. What’s even more annoying is that there’s this confusion of mixing stalking, sexual harassment into the mix of everything. Let’s get this straight. The first article was about “virtual rape” and from what I can tell, it can’t be done.

Rape:

Rape is a form of assault where an individual forces another to have sexual intercourse against that person’s will.

Here’s the thing. In a virtual world? Especially Second Life? It’s not against anyone’s will. As pointed out before, you can teleport out. If the sim isn’t responding, you can always hit the big “QUIT” button. Yes, I know it’s difficult, but you have that option. I mean seriously. It’s almost like if you’re offended by a television show, no one is asking you to watch it. You really can change the channel. But with a real rape, you have no options. You aren’t allowed to have an alternative. In fact, the term “virtual rape” really cheapens the hell out of what people go through in real life, without choice or option.

Sorry people. It just doesn’t happen. And since we were tagged as a “typical male responce,” I decided to interview four female friends. Every single one of them asked why the person (victim) couldn’t quit the game. One of them told me that a proper response to attempted coercion into such activities would be: “Okay, this is my ass. Now you get to watch it leave.” Or, “Do we get to RP me neutering you with a butter knife now? Because I think that would be totally -hot-.”

So outside of that, there was mention of stalking. I’m really not sure why this was brought up at all although I did mention that this CAN happen both in real life and Second Life. This can happen. It does. Everywhere on the Internet. But people are not realizing that any social environment online overlays with real life. Don’t forget that Second Life also imitates much of reality so any psychologist can tell you that even imitations would have imitation problems. You can get stalkers online just as you can offline by giving away too much information. Don’t tell me that you didn’t invite the stranger to your house, give him/her a landmark, or tell them where you hang out. Because if you tell me that you didn’t, I’d say you were lying. It goes for real life too. Predators can follow you, trace you, and what not. Has it happened? Of course. Everyone is trusting at some point. Good thing I learned that lesson pretty young online (IRC) and dealt with it.

Lastly, there’s the whole sexual harassment thing. It occurs and is commonplace everywhere. Realistically, online has a lot more than reality since most users usually feel protected under the darkness of the Internet. While this is wrong to do, and immoral, it does happen. This one is a tough one to tackle, but if you feel uncomfortable from taking it, step back for a second. The one committing such an atrocity is a loser with a capital “L”. Why does it even bother you?

Emotional trauma? From a bunch of text? Believe me. Having been a mediator between friends fighting online than most average people’s Internet lifetimes, that’s more emotionally taxing than some avatar doing whatever to my avatar. If you pull the whole gender thing, then I say that’s sexist since men can be raped too. But this isn’t about that. This is about being adult and knowing the risks and taking responsibility for your actions. If there’s a dark alley, and you know what happens down those, you take your chances walking down it. Same with any online experience.

Moral of all of this? Realistically, having been around since the UUNET and Alternet days, and seeing the Internet grow up and the generations change, there is one thing I’ve realized. No one likes to take any responsibility for their actions. The one huge difference between the Internet and real life is that at the end of the day, you can power it off. You don’t have to be connected. There are bills to pay, mouths to feed, and we don’t just fly around and get to teleport out of difficult situations. There are murders, wars, and even psychotic people here too. Yes, gas prices are above $2.85 and your paperboy just tossed your paper right into the sprinkler. Welcome to reality.

Update (1): Nobody Fugazi sums it up the best here.